Untuk Ayah

Dad, how are you? I'm still badly concerned by what will you do alone there. Wish that you'd take care of yourself and I never imagine in the first place that I'll miss u this much. It's not even close to a week yet. I'm touched by the way you cried back in that time when you accompany me to girl dorm in IPB, or when I said I'm rly grateful that Allah decided to bless me with an amazing father like you.

I'm influenced deeply by the way you see the world. I wanna be different. I wanna make a change to the world by my existence. I understand that I'm not a student anymore. I shouldn't be childish, I have to learn by myself and by the word 'learning', I mean a process from not knowing something to really understand. It's nothing about good grades or IPK. It's about helping people by your knowledge. It's about making a real movement.

But I'm scared. I still remember that you've told me that I shouldn't be scared by human, but I still am. I tried thousand times to shoo that anxiety away, but they are creeping around at midnight somehow like soul-eater fog. I'm terrified by the thought of living my own life, or standing on my own feet, by the fact that there's no one else to blame whenever I do something wrong.

But then, Allah caught me on His blessing and my struggle seems to work because I actually don't have to worry about anything. Allah have planned it all the best for me. There's mustn't be any doubt. You have to know how often I pray for you and mom. But though, I still need your presence. Please wish me luck and support me by your pray.